So I haven't posted for a while.. but life has been a roller coaster. There are days that are better than others and there are days when I just want to shrivel up into nothing. I am officially going into my 3rd year of college this fall and I could not be more excited to go back. I have found friends who want to be around me and actually enjoy my company plus I actually want to be around them too! This May I had extesnive knee surgery once again. I am hoping that this is the last one because I can not take this again. I am going stir crazy in the house.
I have been on crutches for 8 weeks now, and for those 8 weeks all I have done is sit and watch my family walk out the door. I have watched my friends and my brother travel through social media. traveled all over the country actually, going to beaches and going shopping.... enjoying their summer. Let me tell you it has gotten old. I have started to lash out at my mom. All I hear is "No" come out of her mouth.
No you cant get a pool
No you cant look at the one we have
No you cant drive
No you cant drive to visit a friend
But if my brothers ask to fly to Oregon, she isnt stopping him. if she tells my brother he needs to be home around 11, because he has things he needs to do the next day; he tells her no I wont be home till 1 am... then text her at 2:30 am saying he is staying at a friends house. she doesnt question it.
I just wish that for once someone could have the faith in me to go out and actually do something. go out and see people my own age actually hang out and have fun not have to worry about if my knee can withstand siting in a car for more than a half an hour or if the vibrations are going to irritate my knee if I go mow using a rider.
I also wish that the secrets that my brothers are keeping from my parents would come out. I keep so many that I feel like I am about to explode. They trust me with their secrets, and I know some of their secrets that they do not know that I know. Yet they don't want to hang around me. I am just the dumb sister. What do I know?